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A conversation between me and brandon that NIkki should read.
DarkHeart413I wanted to do one thing today and never got to * Im in a bad moood * I was like that * I'm getting better because of you guys * 11:07Kariyamasaki12Minna calm down * 11:07Gabeharrison49I know sorry you are in a bad mood I would like to help * Minna? * 11:07DarkHeart413Don't worry about it i just didn't appreciate you playing dumb * That's all * 11:07Kariyamasaki12Minna = everyone * 11:07Gabeharrison49sorry for that * I admit that's not like me * 11:07DarkHeart413It's fine * I just wanted to talk to nikki * 11:07Gabeharrison49now if it was Gabe or Vincent... * 11:08DarkHeart413That's all i wanted to accomplish today * Gabe does it playfully * 11:08Gabeharrison49you did talk to her though * 11:08DarkHeart413You just outright denied knowing anything * I ment on my own * 11:08Gabeharrison49oh * sorry. * 11:08DarkHeart413She blocked pm and i dont want to ask her to unblock it cause i know im an asshole * I still want to talk to her though * 11:09Gabeharrison49you are not an asshole * 11:09DarkHeart413I just don't know how to without causing problems * 11:09Gabeharrison49I said that word... dear god... * 11:09DarkHeart413If i feel bad about anything i cause problems * If i don't i have problems and have no way of dealing on my own * 11:09Gabeharrison49Brandon * you're still a nice person\ * 11:10DarkHeart413I don't need to be making people deal with my simple shit * 11:10Gabeharrison49you just have some problems * but who doesnt * 11:10DarkHeart413It's a waste and Idon't like being a burden * But I never stop doing it * I'm doing it now * It's stupid * 11:10Gabeharrison49I have problems too Brandon * 11:11DarkHeart413I can't talk without being negative... * Yes * You have significant problems * 11:11Gabeharrison49yes * 11:11DarkHeart413I'm not important enough to make you all help me * 11:11Gabeharrison49I want to help * I just don't know how * 11:11DarkHeart413None of what i have is near what you deal with * 11:12Gabeharrison49that doesn't mean I don't understand you * 11:12DarkHeart413And i feel bad for just being another problem you need to fix * Kariyamasaki12 is dead. * 11:12Gabeharrison49you aren't a problem * 11:12DarkHeart413I want to be able to help you guys * 11:12Gabeharrison49and you do * at least * you try * and that's still important * 11:13DarkHeart413But I'm useless most of the time as anything but an ear or a way of recording info * 11:13Gabeharrison49Brandon... * 11:13DarkHeart413See all I'm doing is making you have to deal with this * It's not important enough for you to care about * 11:14Gabeharrison49I learned something. Everyone is important in this world. Including me and you. Even when it seems to yourself that you are worthless In reality, you are important * you just havent realized it yet * 11:14DarkHeart413I'm important in few significant ways * We are all important * To different degrees * As are our problems * 11:15Gabeharrison49Yes * 11:15DarkHeart413My biggest problem is being one to those i care about * So just don't worry * 11:15Gabeharrison49you try * you try * 11:15DarkHeart413If i actually need help I'll ask * Don't bother trying to help me * 11:15Gabeharrison49I just... * 11:16DarkHeart413Just be happy i try to help you * 11:16Gabeharrison49don't want you to hurt yourself * or worse * 11:16DarkHeart413And show that you are * It's all i need * 11:16Gabeharrison49Brandon... * 11:16DarkHeart413I need to see I'm not causeing problems * 11:16Gabeharrison49you aren't causing problems * at all * 11:17DarkHeart413Not just for you * But for nikki and everyone else... * 11:17Gabeharrison49... * I understand Gabe kinda fucked up you and Nikki as well as hackers * but * that doesn't mean she hates you * 11:18DarkHeart413it's nice to know you put up with me * 11:18Gabeharrison49well I was the same once you know * 11:18DarkHeart413I'm glad you aren't bothered * 11:18Gabeharrison49Of course I'm not bothered * You're my friend * 11:18DarkHeart413I just don't want to bother anyone else either * 11:18Gabeharrison49I see... * I'll try to talk to Nikki about this * 11:19DarkHeart413... * I've tried * I just seem negative and cause more problems * It's why she blocks my pm * So i stop doing it * 11:19Gabeharrison49:/ * sorry * 11:20DarkHeart413So i stop causeing problems when she has shit to deal with * It's fine i deserve it * I just wish i didn't... * 11:20Gabeharrison49no one deserves torture * or hate * 11:20DarkHeart413It's my punishment for causing trouble for her and everyone else * 11:21Gabeharrison49I see * 11:21DarkHeart413I'll live... * 11:21Gabeharrison49I can't help you... Even if I try... * 11:21DarkHeart413So dont * 11:21Gabeharrison49just... * 11:21DarkHeart413It will only stress you out more * 11:21Gabeharrison49be safe okay? * *hugs* * 11:21DarkHeart413* DarkHeart413 hugs * Don't worry * 11:22Gabeharrison49Okay * 11:22DarkHeart413Im not selfish enough to hurt myself and make others clean up the mess... * And harming myself won't make things easier on everyone else... * 11:23Gabeharrison49*keeps hugging* just know there are people who do care for you Brandon. * 11:23DarkHeart413I could leave but then I'd have no reason not to * Nobody would have to care what happens * 11:24Gabeharrison49I'd care * 11:24DarkHeart413I could just vanish... * You would get over it... * Nobody cares that much about me... * 11:24Gabeharrison49Me? Get over something as important as a friend? * Never. I'd still care and worry * 11:25DarkHeart413Any time I thought someone did care they just left anyway... * 11:25Gabeharrison49has Gabe ever left your side? * have I? * 11:26DarkHeart413no but it doesn't happen til after i don't expect it anymore,.. * 11:26Gabeharrison49please * Gabe's too much of a friendly guy * and I can't forget anything * 11:26DarkHeart413If nikki found out about this she would be so mad... * I can't hurt her anymore * I can't leave * I'm here if you guys need me * I don't want to make it worse... * 11:27Gabeharrison49I need you You're a good person to talk to * 11:28DarkHeart413About what? * I cant do anything remember? * Just drop it * I've had enough fights about this already... * 11:28Gabeharrison49yet you are a hard person to get to * 11:29DarkHeart413I didn't want you to cause a problem with this either... * 11:29Gabeharrison49... * sorry * 11:30DarkHeart413I'm trying to avoid being negative and causeing problems * But saying that does exactly that * 11:30Gabeharrison49I know... * I guess I cause problems too * 11:30DarkHeart413You can see my problem * You don't try to... * 11:30Gabeharrison49yes * and neither do you * but * 11:31DarkHeart413But it's so easy for me even if i don't want to * 11:31Gabeharrison49it seems no matter how hard I try to get to you to talk to someone to do something right * I always cause problems * 11:31DarkHeart413If i talk to anyone * I cause problems * That's the thing * I want to be here for you * 11:31Gabeharrison49and you are * 11:32DarkHeart413I don't want to tell you my problems * You don't need to have them weight you down too... * 11:32Gabeharrison49I don't wanna share my problems either but I will if it means making the other feel better about themselves * 11:32DarkHeart413... * That's not how it works * I only feel better if i can fix it or help you feel better about it somehow... * 11:33Gabeharrison49you are also you * which is fine * 11:33DarkHeart413Im so used to people hating what i am * So afraid to say anything about myself * I have no reason to... * 11:34Gabeharrison49... * 11:34DarkHeart413Do you have a problem you want help with? * If not just ignore me... * 11:35Gabeharrison49yes my problem is... you aren't feeling good enough and you need to fix that. for me for you for nikki for your family * 11:35DarkHeart413I have a stuffed animal to hug and tell my problems to * That's the problem * The only way i can feel good * 11:35Gabeharrison49I have a pillow and a blood monstor * 11:35DarkHeart413Is if you stop caring if i do or not * I don't want to give you my problems too * I just anger nikki whenever I do... * And nobody else can help... * 11:36Gabeharrison49you won't anger me though * 11:36DarkHeart413Just * Stop trying * I feel bad you have to put up with this * Just stop * Tell nikki if you want to * 11:37Gabeharrison49well if I'm becoming a source of your pain I can leave * 11:37DarkHeart413You aren't * I'm becoming yours * That's my problem * Not you * You aren't a problem